Moms, did you ever question your value as a role model, caretaker, administer of hugs and Band-Aids? I think we all have in today's climate of "do more, get more, have more." Many of us work to bring home a paycheck and others work for our sanity. Have you ever wondered if your children were better off with the baby sitter than you? Scientific studies are beginning to point to the overwhelming value of a mother's love, hugs and support. Nannies, baby-sitters and relatives are terrific. They just aren't as terrific as Mom.
I have had the best of both worlds, I suspect. I worked a high-powered executive job until my older daughter was 2 and a half. At a crossroads in my career, I opted to "get pregnant and stay home for a year." HA! Little did I realize I was about to take a ten-year hiatus from my much-loved life! I didn't get pregnant right away, but, after having spent a year basking in the glow of being Mom, I couldn't bear giving up the care and nurturing of my daughter to another nanny, no matter how wonderful. I think it was the best career move of my life.
Well, ten years later, I am back in the work force and thriving. Yes, I felt bored much of the time. Yes, our family sacrificed the bigger house, fancier cars and vacations some of our peers were enjoying. But it was a conscious decision to sacrifice for the benefit of our children. We wanted our morals, our ethics and our life lessons to influence our children.
I think moms can work at home, be homemakers or work outside of the home and still be great moms. The most important part of mothering, I feel, is being there for our children. Maybe your sacrifice is going to work but spending your precious little free time reading your child a bedtime story every night, taking him to the park on Saturdays or chaperoning your daughter's school dance. What matters is our input, the confidence in our roles as mothers and knowing we are the best person for the role ... to understand how valuable we are to society.
Pat yourselves on the backs ... you've accomplished a miracle! There is no greater sacrifice on earth, in my opinion, than making the decision to be a parent. Know how important you are. Know that your children need you to be as solid an individual as you can be. Therein lies your strength as a mother, whether you spend all day at home or in an office. We are all exceptional women in our motherhood.
Copyright - 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com - http://www.rexanne.com Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Teaching Children Good Manners
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that my children knew how to behave in nice restaurants because they had been exposed to the atmosphere at an early age. My idea of well behaved might be different from yours, however, I think there are certain basics that are important and universal.
When my daughters were babies, we would take them wherever we went. If they began to fuss or cry, one of us would promptly remove them from the room/restaurant/market/wherever. Not because we felt their crying or fussing was a bad thing. No, it's a perfectly normal occurrence for infants and toddlers. We removed them as a courtesy to others who we felt did not need to be as tolerant as we were with our children's noise. In consequence, my daughters know that other people are not as wildly in love with their racket or with them as we are. Nor should they be expected to be.
As our children grew older, they were always told the rules of our outings, how to behave and to always speak softly if other adults were present. Sometimes, it's fine to let them get a little crazy ... just know your audience! If we are at a five star restaurant where many other diners have come to enjoy a gracious and expensive meal, would we expect everyone there to be enthralled with junior's vocal or behavioral outbursts? Would we really expect them to care if our child is having a bout with walking pneumonia and coughing uncontrollably? Nope. It's rude. And rudeness is basically nothing more than bad manners. If there is an emergency with your child, by all means don't give a flying flamingo about what others think. But this is the exception. Besides, children who are that sick belong at home, not in public.
Last night, my girls and I were in a department store. There was a toddler carrying on and screaming for more than 15 minutes when my younger daughter said:
"Now his mommy is going to tell him to stop because there are other people in here that don't want to hear it!"
Unfortunately, his mommy did not tell him any such thing. She let him wail and scream and cry, much to the chagrin and annoyance of everyone else in the store. You know what? As much as I love kids and cannot bear to see or hear them suffering, I disliked this kid immensely!
My reasoning is this: if our kids learn that they are free to trample on the peace, space or rose gardens of others, they will develop into spoiled and inconsiderate brats. And then who will like them? Who will want to spend time with them? Who, besides their forgiving parents, will be able to tolerate their lack of social graces and good manners? No one ? except maybe another ill-mannered person who feels at home with a similarly clueless individual. Do we really want our children reduced to such horrible options? I think not.
We teach our children not to steal, lie or punch their brother in the nose. Shouldn't we teach them respect for others at the same time? That their whining and out-of-control behavior is something no one really wants to hear or witness, especially strangers who have no vested interest in their developing minds or self-esteem? A simple reminder of the rules, consistently, works wonders ... eventually. ;-)
Good luck. Kids need to learn manners and social graces. They will go farther in life if we teach them well.
Copyright - 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com - http://www.rexanne.com Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html
When my daughters were babies, we would take them wherever we went. If they began to fuss or cry, one of us would promptly remove them from the room/restaurant/market/wherever. Not because we felt their crying or fussing was a bad thing. No, it's a perfectly normal occurrence for infants and toddlers. We removed them as a courtesy to others who we felt did not need to be as tolerant as we were with our children's noise. In consequence, my daughters know that other people are not as wildly in love with their racket or with them as we are. Nor should they be expected to be.
As our children grew older, they were always told the rules of our outings, how to behave and to always speak softly if other adults were present. Sometimes, it's fine to let them get a little crazy ... just know your audience! If we are at a five star restaurant where many other diners have come to enjoy a gracious and expensive meal, would we expect everyone there to be enthralled with junior's vocal or behavioral outbursts? Would we really expect them to care if our child is having a bout with walking pneumonia and coughing uncontrollably? Nope. It's rude. And rudeness is basically nothing more than bad manners. If there is an emergency with your child, by all means don't give a flying flamingo about what others think. But this is the exception. Besides, children who are that sick belong at home, not in public.
Last night, my girls and I were in a department store. There was a toddler carrying on and screaming for more than 15 minutes when my younger daughter said:
"Now his mommy is going to tell him to stop because there are other people in here that don't want to hear it!"
Unfortunately, his mommy did not tell him any such thing. She let him wail and scream and cry, much to the chagrin and annoyance of everyone else in the store. You know what? As much as I love kids and cannot bear to see or hear them suffering, I disliked this kid immensely!
My reasoning is this: if our kids learn that they are free to trample on the peace, space or rose gardens of others, they will develop into spoiled and inconsiderate brats. And then who will like them? Who will want to spend time with them? Who, besides their forgiving parents, will be able to tolerate their lack of social graces and good manners? No one ? except maybe another ill-mannered person who feels at home with a similarly clueless individual. Do we really want our children reduced to such horrible options? I think not.
We teach our children not to steal, lie or punch their brother in the nose. Shouldn't we teach them respect for others at the same time? That their whining and out-of-control behavior is something no one really wants to hear or witness, especially strangers who have no vested interest in their developing minds or self-esteem? A simple reminder of the rules, consistently, works wonders ... eventually. ;-)
Good luck. Kids need to learn manners and social graces. They will go farther in life if we teach them well.
Copyright - 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com - http://www.rexanne.com Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html
Saturday, October 10, 2009
How to Stop Bad Behavior Before it Starts
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any other aspect of parenting, can cause stress, family disfunction, and a general loss of harmony in your home. Over time, negative behavior cycles can become ingrained in a family's way of interacting with each other
1. Be a Benevolent Dictator
In today's times it is tempting to think of our family as a small Democracy, giving equal weight to the wants and needs of every member. Families schedule meetings to discuss rules. Negotiation is a skill learned even before tying shoes. Rules apply only if children choose to obey them. Giving children lots of choices seems to be of paramount importance. Parents who operate these types of Democracies think that they are showing their children love and respect. In fact, what these parents are showing their children is that they don't have the fortitude to do what is right.
This approach belies the fact that we parents usually have decades more life experience than our children, we have had more education, and we are more mature (hopefully). In short, we should be the ones in charge. Contrary to what children might say, they in fact, want us to be in charge. They know better than anyone what their limitations are, and if they are given too much responsibility, it scares them. Imagine how you would feel if you were suddenly put in charge of a small country in a foreign land. You might feel powerful, but I dare say, you wouldn't feel secure. It's like being the captain of a sailboat and not knowing how to sail. Eventually you would run aground.
Research has shown that in order to raise well-adjusted kids, parents need to be authoritative. Authoritative parents were described as people whose motto is, "I love and respect you, but since I am the parent, you have to do what I say regardless of whether you agree with me." Taking this type of approach with your child ensures that they know they are loved, and that they will be saved from making bad choices because they have a parent looking out for them. Setting limits for your kids makes the world more manageable for them. They feel safer knowing what the boundaries are, and in knowing that they have your help to stay within them.
2. Consistency is Key
Choose a small number of rules that are absolute and stick to them! These rules should be non-negotiable and carry with them clear and immediate consequences if they are broken. In my family, rules about safety are set in stone. If you ride your bike without a helmet, you lose bike privileges for a week. No exceptions. This way I know my child is always going to wear his helmet, and I save myself the hassle of arguing with him each day after school about whether he can ride his bike without it.
A psychologist I know stated that the surest way to have kids who misbehave is to be inconsistent. By having limits that are fluid and that change depending on circumstances, kids spend most of their time with you testing those limits. They know that sooner or later, they'll wear you out, and they'll get what they want. So, if you want to be worn out day after day, then the secret is to be wishy-washy about rules. If you don't want to battle day after day with your kids, then set good rules and stick to them!
3. Know Your Child
Every child has a unique style which includes their own set of triggers for bad behavior. For my son, transitions always cause him to become unglued. A temper tantrum always ensued at the end of play dates, the beginning of a school day, or the call to the dinner table. So, I learned early on that to avoid that type of misbehavior, I needed to be savvy about transitions. I give plenty of warning before a transition, and I usually sweeten the deal to make it easier. For example, I play his favorite music in the car on the way to school so that he focuses on looking forward to his songs rather than his nerves about having to leave the house and head to class.
Your child might have similar issues with transitions, or she may act up when tired or hungry. Your child might feel uncomfortable in crowds, be afraid of loud noises, or become easily overwhelmed in stores. By knowing your child's triggers for bad behavior, you'll know what to avoid. For those things you can't avoid, you'll at least be able to develop helpful strategies for coping with problems.
4. Know Yourself
In addition to being in tune with your child's style, you need to be aware of what your particular needs are. It will always lead to trouble if you expect lots of peace and quiet after work, but your kids need your help with homework and a ride to soccer. If you are tense and irritable, it will most certainly translate to misbehavior in your kids. Busy schedules rarely enable parents to have a peaceful dinner hour, but perhaps you can insist on twenty minutes to unwind in your room before you join the fray downstairs. My mother made a rule that we couldn't ask anything of her until she had changed into her jeans. That was our signal that she had decompressed after work and was ready to engage in the family hubbub.
5. Pay Attention
Children often misbehave simply to get their parents' attention. Though it confounds adults, children would rather be yelled at than be ignored. Perhaps it is Darwinian-in the wild, to be ignored by a parent meant that you weren't safe. Whatever its origin, this aspect of child-rearing can be especially trying. Negative cycles can so easily begin by a child learning that acting up is the surest way to get a parent's attention. The only way to avoid this is to lavish love and attention on your child when they are behaving well. Enjoy their company and play games with them. Praise them with words and gestures often. Reward your child with special activities with you-not with toys and treats. If you sense that your children are acting up more than they should, then that is a sign that you need to stop waiting for your children to misbehave before you give them your attention. With all the love and attention from you that they need, there won't be many reasons to misbehave!
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
1. Be a Benevolent Dictator
In today's times it is tempting to think of our family as a small Democracy, giving equal weight to the wants and needs of every member. Families schedule meetings to discuss rules. Negotiation is a skill learned even before tying shoes. Rules apply only if children choose to obey them. Giving children lots of choices seems to be of paramount importance. Parents who operate these types of Democracies think that they are showing their children love and respect. In fact, what these parents are showing their children is that they don't have the fortitude to do what is right.
This approach belies the fact that we parents usually have decades more life experience than our children, we have had more education, and we are more mature (hopefully). In short, we should be the ones in charge. Contrary to what children might say, they in fact, want us to be in charge. They know better than anyone what their limitations are, and if they are given too much responsibility, it scares them. Imagine how you would feel if you were suddenly put in charge of a small country in a foreign land. You might feel powerful, but I dare say, you wouldn't feel secure. It's like being the captain of a sailboat and not knowing how to sail. Eventually you would run aground.
Research has shown that in order to raise well-adjusted kids, parents need to be authoritative. Authoritative parents were described as people whose motto is, "I love and respect you, but since I am the parent, you have to do what I say regardless of whether you agree with me." Taking this type of approach with your child ensures that they know they are loved, and that they will be saved from making bad choices because they have a parent looking out for them. Setting limits for your kids makes the world more manageable for them. They feel safer knowing what the boundaries are, and in knowing that they have your help to stay within them.
2. Consistency is Key
Choose a small number of rules that are absolute and stick to them! These rules should be non-negotiable and carry with them clear and immediate consequences if they are broken. In my family, rules about safety are set in stone. If you ride your bike without a helmet, you lose bike privileges for a week. No exceptions. This way I know my child is always going to wear his helmet, and I save myself the hassle of arguing with him each day after school about whether he can ride his bike without it.
A psychologist I know stated that the surest way to have kids who misbehave is to be inconsistent. By having limits that are fluid and that change depending on circumstances, kids spend most of their time with you testing those limits. They know that sooner or later, they'll wear you out, and they'll get what they want. So, if you want to be worn out day after day, then the secret is to be wishy-washy about rules. If you don't want to battle day after day with your kids, then set good rules and stick to them!
3. Know Your Child
Every child has a unique style which includes their own set of triggers for bad behavior. For my son, transitions always cause him to become unglued. A temper tantrum always ensued at the end of play dates, the beginning of a school day, or the call to the dinner table. So, I learned early on that to avoid that type of misbehavior, I needed to be savvy about transitions. I give plenty of warning before a transition, and I usually sweeten the deal to make it easier. For example, I play his favorite music in the car on the way to school so that he focuses on looking forward to his songs rather than his nerves about having to leave the house and head to class.
Your child might have similar issues with transitions, or she may act up when tired or hungry. Your child might feel uncomfortable in crowds, be afraid of loud noises, or become easily overwhelmed in stores. By knowing your child's triggers for bad behavior, you'll know what to avoid. For those things you can't avoid, you'll at least be able to develop helpful strategies for coping with problems.
4. Know Yourself
In addition to being in tune with your child's style, you need to be aware of what your particular needs are. It will always lead to trouble if you expect lots of peace and quiet after work, but your kids need your help with homework and a ride to soccer. If you are tense and irritable, it will most certainly translate to misbehavior in your kids. Busy schedules rarely enable parents to have a peaceful dinner hour, but perhaps you can insist on twenty minutes to unwind in your room before you join the fray downstairs. My mother made a rule that we couldn't ask anything of her until she had changed into her jeans. That was our signal that she had decompressed after work and was ready to engage in the family hubbub.
5. Pay Attention
Children often misbehave simply to get their parents' attention. Though it confounds adults, children would rather be yelled at than be ignored. Perhaps it is Darwinian-in the wild, to be ignored by a parent meant that you weren't safe. Whatever its origin, this aspect of child-rearing can be especially trying. Negative cycles can so easily begin by a child learning that acting up is the surest way to get a parent's attention. The only way to avoid this is to lavish love and attention on your child when they are behaving well. Enjoy their company and play games with them. Praise them with words and gestures often. Reward your child with special activities with you-not with toys and treats. If you sense that your children are acting up more than they should, then that is a sign that you need to stop waiting for your children to misbehave before you give them your attention. With all the love and attention from you that they need, there won't be many reasons to misbehave!
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
End Homework Battles
Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and you'll likely hear that it is the difficulty they face in getting their kids to do homework. With so many other attractive ways for kids to spend their time, getting them to buckle down and complete that extra bit of schoolwork can be like pulling teeth. As with any chore, though, there are strategies you can use to get it done and make it more fun.
1. Make Time for Homework
Fitness gurus have known this for years: you are more likely to stick to an exercise regimen if you do it at the same time everyday and make it an inviolable part of your schedule. The same goes for homework. Don't leave it up in the air as to when homework will be completed. This only ensures that it won't get completed until you have an extended argument with your child about it-usually one hour after bedtime. Instead, sit down with your child and review your family schedule for the upcoming semester. Decide where homework will fit in your daily schedule and make it non-negotiable. It is always helpful to anchor homework time to some other regular activity. Good choices are: directly after school or right before or after dinner. (Scheduling homework in the hour before bedtime is usually not a good practice since your child may be too sleepy to do a good job.)
It is also important to dedicate a set amount of time for homework. This will discourage students from rushing through homework so that they can watch the latest Disney video. What is a reasonable amount of time to spend on homework? That varies with age. Check with your child's teacher. It is generally accepted, though, that First and Second graders should spend about a half hour on homework each night while Third and Fourth graders might need to spend as much as an hour per night.
2. Don't Accept No for an Answer
A common refrain from students is "I finished my homework in school" or "The teacher didn't assign us any homework today." It should not matter that they don't have a specific assignment. Homework is an extension of the learning that occurred that day in school, and what they learned that day can be extended in any number of ways. Students can read silently during their allotted homework time, they can look up information in an encyclopedia to enhance what they are learning in Science or Social Studies, or they can look at flashcards, practice math facts, and test their spelling. This is how to teach your child to be a self-directed learner. You will be giving them a gift to get them in the habit of doing this now. When they are in high school, having this extra study habit will bring them academic success.
3. Establish a Partnership with Teachers
Early in the school year make an effort to get to know your child's teacher. Make an appointment to talk with the teacher in the first few weeks of school, so that you can express your desire to be a good partner in your child's education. She will appreciate it, and you will be one step closer to a smooth school year. Find out what her homework policy is so that you know what to expect. It is also helpful to know how high her standards are, so that you can ensure that your child's homework is acceptable.
4. Provide the Right Environment
Most people's advice on homework is to set up a desk in your child's room and make sure that they have a quiet and distraction-free work environment. This sounds very reasonable, but few people seem to be able to follow this advice. I know many students who instead do their homework on the living room floor, at the kitchen counter, or at the dining room table. It seems that some people work best when they aren't isolated from household activity. If that is the case with your child, then provide a small traveling office for him so that he has all of the necessary items at hand and won't waste time running around the house looking for a sharp pencil. With all the supplies nearby, and distractions limited to the general background noise of family living, your student ought to be able to concentrate on homework.
5. Set a Good Example
"Do as I say not as I do" is no longer considered appropriate parental advice. In order to instill the proper values in our children, we must model them. If we expect our children to be conscientious, hard-working students, then that is what they must see in us. Make an effort to show your child your work ethic by reading trade magazines and business books while they do their homework. Take out a pencil and write notes as you read. Investigate ideas fully. If you read something interesting in the newspaper, look up information about it on the Internet. Always be eager to learn something new. Sign up for an adult education class, teach yourself to knit, or write that novel you've always dreamed of. The more that you can show your child that learning is a lifelong adventure that requires their involvement, the more likely it is that homework will cease being a chore and start being an integral part of a life well-lived.
If you take the time to set up these parameters around homework, you'll find that you waste less energy arguing over homework and making up for lost assignments. You'll have more time and energy for other pursuits, and so will your child. What's more, you'll discover that the benefits of hassle free homework add up to more than just scheduling efficiency, they equal a better education.
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
1. Make Time for Homework
Fitness gurus have known this for years: you are more likely to stick to an exercise regimen if you do it at the same time everyday and make it an inviolable part of your schedule. The same goes for homework. Don't leave it up in the air as to when homework will be completed. This only ensures that it won't get completed until you have an extended argument with your child about it-usually one hour after bedtime. Instead, sit down with your child and review your family schedule for the upcoming semester. Decide where homework will fit in your daily schedule and make it non-negotiable. It is always helpful to anchor homework time to some other regular activity. Good choices are: directly after school or right before or after dinner. (Scheduling homework in the hour before bedtime is usually not a good practice since your child may be too sleepy to do a good job.)
It is also important to dedicate a set amount of time for homework. This will discourage students from rushing through homework so that they can watch the latest Disney video. What is a reasonable amount of time to spend on homework? That varies with age. Check with your child's teacher. It is generally accepted, though, that First and Second graders should spend about a half hour on homework each night while Third and Fourth graders might need to spend as much as an hour per night.
2. Don't Accept No for an Answer
A common refrain from students is "I finished my homework in school" or "The teacher didn't assign us any homework today." It should not matter that they don't have a specific assignment. Homework is an extension of the learning that occurred that day in school, and what they learned that day can be extended in any number of ways. Students can read silently during their allotted homework time, they can look up information in an encyclopedia to enhance what they are learning in Science or Social Studies, or they can look at flashcards, practice math facts, and test their spelling. This is how to teach your child to be a self-directed learner. You will be giving them a gift to get them in the habit of doing this now. When they are in high school, having this extra study habit will bring them academic success.
3. Establish a Partnership with Teachers
Early in the school year make an effort to get to know your child's teacher. Make an appointment to talk with the teacher in the first few weeks of school, so that you can express your desire to be a good partner in your child's education. She will appreciate it, and you will be one step closer to a smooth school year. Find out what her homework policy is so that you know what to expect. It is also helpful to know how high her standards are, so that you can ensure that your child's homework is acceptable.
4. Provide the Right Environment
Most people's advice on homework is to set up a desk in your child's room and make sure that they have a quiet and distraction-free work environment. This sounds very reasonable, but few people seem to be able to follow this advice. I know many students who instead do their homework on the living room floor, at the kitchen counter, or at the dining room table. It seems that some people work best when they aren't isolated from household activity. If that is the case with your child, then provide a small traveling office for him so that he has all of the necessary items at hand and won't waste time running around the house looking for a sharp pencil. With all the supplies nearby, and distractions limited to the general background noise of family living, your student ought to be able to concentrate on homework.
5. Set a Good Example
"Do as I say not as I do" is no longer considered appropriate parental advice. In order to instill the proper values in our children, we must model them. If we expect our children to be conscientious, hard-working students, then that is what they must see in us. Make an effort to show your child your work ethic by reading trade magazines and business books while they do their homework. Take out a pencil and write notes as you read. Investigate ideas fully. If you read something interesting in the newspaper, look up information about it on the Internet. Always be eager to learn something new. Sign up for an adult education class, teach yourself to knit, or write that novel you've always dreamed of. The more that you can show your child that learning is a lifelong adventure that requires their involvement, the more likely it is that homework will cease being a chore and start being an integral part of a life well-lived.
If you take the time to set up these parameters around homework, you'll find that you waste less energy arguing over homework and making up for lost assignments. You'll have more time and energy for other pursuits, and so will your child. What's more, you'll discover that the benefits of hassle free homework add up to more than just scheduling efficiency, they equal a better education.
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
Monday, October 5, 2009
10 Steps to School Year Success
One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring that your child gets a good education. School is a place where your child not only learns skills such as reading and writing; it is also where your child will learn about friendship, responsibility, and fairness. In short, school is a test run for the 'real world', and your child needs your help to navigate this complicated arena. When your child was a baby, you set your life around nap times and diaper changes,
1. Establish Consistent Routines
Take the 'year at a glance' approach. If you have a child starting first grade and one in fourth, one a musician and the other an athlete, then you must sketch out how you will achieve a balance between school, their activities, your work, and your activities. It is best to look at all of these areas at once, so that you can spot the trouble areas. Once you have the big picture, it is time to ask how you can set up a regular routine to ensure that everyone's needs are met, including yours.
Early in the school year, decide which activities will fit, and which will have to be postponed. One of the biggest areas of concern for modern families is activity overload. Avoid it! Now that you know what activities you will be engaged in, decide where homework fits and set a regular time for it. Whether there are assignments or not, this should be the time of day that your child always does a little extra school work. When will you have dinner? If possible, make it at the same time everyday and expect all family members to attend. Don't eat on the run! If you have to eat in the car in order to make everything fit, then you are doing too much!
2. Set Reasonable Bedtimes
Open any magazine in America and you will find a story on the cumulative sleep debt that Americans are suffering from. It causes accidents, ill health, and poor work performance. It has the same effect on young students. Without enough sleep, their learning suffers as does their behavior. Additionally, lack of sleep makes kids prone to getting sick, which means they miss school and get behind in their learning.
Avoid these problems by setting a reasonable bedtime for your children and sticking to it. According to Dr. Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., a member of the National Sleep Foundation, elementary age children need between 10-12 hours of sleep each night. She also recommends allowing an additional 10-20 minutes to that amount in order to account for the time is takes your child to fall asleep. Keeping these times in mind, your child's bedtime should be no later than 8:30pm.
3. Learn to Say No
There are many demands placed on our time. There are after school opportunities galore: sports, music, drama, art, and more. Parents have an equal number of options for after work activities. Parents want to provide the best for their children and many believe that giving them access to numerous opportunities is the best way to enhance their learning. In fact, the best way to enhance a child's learning is to allow them to slow down and think about what happened in class and to talk to them about it. This type of reflection can only come when parents and children have some downtime together. I advocate the motto: "Just Do Nothing".
4. Limit TV
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I love TV. I loved cartoons as a kid, and I love sitcoms and drama shows now. But I'm careful not to watch TV to the exclusion of all other forms of entertainment. Kids are not as good at moderating their exposure to TV. They need the help of their parents to make good choices and to limit the time spent being a passive observer. Kids learn best when they are actively involved in what they're doing. Reading, talking, exploring, drawing, building, playing-these are all important parts of childhood. Make sure that they don't get squeezed out by too much Scooby Doo.
5. Encourage Reading
Research has shown that one of the greatest predictors of academic success is the amount of time a student reads. When asked by the parents of my students what they should do to help their child learn, I always answer, "Get them to read." Books not only open new worlds and ideas for children, they build their vocabulary, improve their memory, grow their imagination, and teach them valuable thinking skills. Time spent reading is an investment in your child's future.
6. Support Your Child's Teacher
It is an unfortunate fact of modern day society that teachers feel less support from parents, administrations, and governments than ever before. This is a shame, not only for the hard working teachers who deserve to feel respected as professionals, but for the students they teach. Students receive the best education when they are part of a committed triumvirate. For a child to truly learn in school, all three members of the team need to work together. The teacher, student, and parents need to be all working towards the same goal with commitment and help from one another. All parts of the triangle must be connected for the goal to be met. Go against the tide, give your child's teacher the respect she deserves and the support she requires. Your child will thank you.
7. Enlist Support
It truly does take a village to raise a child. Too often these days, however, parents find themselves struggling to do it all with very little support. If you live near grandparents, aunts, or uncles, ask if they can occasionally go to the soccer game, or pick up the art materials, or buy the new notebook. Very often it is the little tasks that combine to make parents feel overwhelmed. Spreading the small tasks around to willing volunteers may give you more time to focus on the important aspects of the school year. If family members aren't available to help, exchange help with neighbors and friends.
8. Practice what you Preach
In order to make the school year go more smoothly, it is important that your child is responsible, timely, and well-behaved. You are far more likely to have a child who behaves this way, if you model appropriate behavior for them. If you are frequently late, often forget important items, and are stressed and irritable most of the time, you are far more likely to have chronic problems with your children-especially during the school year when time is tight. Give your child the skills to succeed by working on them yourself. Nobody's perfect, but if you show that you ask of yourself the same things you ask of them, then you are more likely to garner their cooperation.
9. Plan Ahead
If you fail to plan, then plan to fail. Harsh though that statement may be, it often happens that you'd experience more success at school if you'd take the time to plan ahead. If you know that your daughter is going to appear in a play during the month of November, and that it will require lots of rehearsals after school, don't enroll her in tap class and swimming. When you know that time will be tight, it also makes sense to speak to your child's teacher in order to advise him of the situation and to get his help with scheduling homework. Always keep in mind what is coming up next week and what may be required due to the seasons. Getting to school in September may not be much of an issue, but what will you do when the snow flies?
10. Keep your Eye on the Prize
Being committed to managing the school year well takes effort. Keeping your family balanced despite all of the demands on everyone's time can be difficult. All of it can be managed better if you always stay focused on your purpose. Your purpose as a parent is to raise well-adjusted children who can enter society and forge a good life on their own. They need a good education in order to do this. How to ensure that your child receives the best education possible ought to be the first thing you think about in the morning and the thoughts you keep as you close your eyes at night.
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
1. Establish Consistent Routines
Take the 'year at a glance' approach. If you have a child starting first grade and one in fourth, one a musician and the other an athlete, then you must sketch out how you will achieve a balance between school, their activities, your work, and your activities. It is best to look at all of these areas at once, so that you can spot the trouble areas. Once you have the big picture, it is time to ask how you can set up a regular routine to ensure that everyone's needs are met, including yours.
Early in the school year, decide which activities will fit, and which will have to be postponed. One of the biggest areas of concern for modern families is activity overload. Avoid it! Now that you know what activities you will be engaged in, decide where homework fits and set a regular time for it. Whether there are assignments or not, this should be the time of day that your child always does a little extra school work. When will you have dinner? If possible, make it at the same time everyday and expect all family members to attend. Don't eat on the run! If you have to eat in the car in order to make everything fit, then you are doing too much!
2. Set Reasonable Bedtimes
Open any magazine in America and you will find a story on the cumulative sleep debt that Americans are suffering from. It causes accidents, ill health, and poor work performance. It has the same effect on young students. Without enough sleep, their learning suffers as does their behavior. Additionally, lack of sleep makes kids prone to getting sick, which means they miss school and get behind in their learning.
Avoid these problems by setting a reasonable bedtime for your children and sticking to it. According to Dr. Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., a member of the National Sleep Foundation, elementary age children need between 10-12 hours of sleep each night. She also recommends allowing an additional 10-20 minutes to that amount in order to account for the time is takes your child to fall asleep. Keeping these times in mind, your child's bedtime should be no later than 8:30pm.
3. Learn to Say No
There are many demands placed on our time. There are after school opportunities galore: sports, music, drama, art, and more. Parents have an equal number of options for after work activities. Parents want to provide the best for their children and many believe that giving them access to numerous opportunities is the best way to enhance their learning. In fact, the best way to enhance a child's learning is to allow them to slow down and think about what happened in class and to talk to them about it. This type of reflection can only come when parents and children have some downtime together. I advocate the motto: "Just Do Nothing".
4. Limit TV
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I love TV. I loved cartoons as a kid, and I love sitcoms and drama shows now. But I'm careful not to watch TV to the exclusion of all other forms of entertainment. Kids are not as good at moderating their exposure to TV. They need the help of their parents to make good choices and to limit the time spent being a passive observer. Kids learn best when they are actively involved in what they're doing. Reading, talking, exploring, drawing, building, playing-these are all important parts of childhood. Make sure that they don't get squeezed out by too much Scooby Doo.
5. Encourage Reading
Research has shown that one of the greatest predictors of academic success is the amount of time a student reads. When asked by the parents of my students what they should do to help their child learn, I always answer, "Get them to read." Books not only open new worlds and ideas for children, they build their vocabulary, improve their memory, grow their imagination, and teach them valuable thinking skills. Time spent reading is an investment in your child's future.
6. Support Your Child's Teacher
It is an unfortunate fact of modern day society that teachers feel less support from parents, administrations, and governments than ever before. This is a shame, not only for the hard working teachers who deserve to feel respected as professionals, but for the students they teach. Students receive the best education when they are part of a committed triumvirate. For a child to truly learn in school, all three members of the team need to work together. The teacher, student, and parents need to be all working towards the same goal with commitment and help from one another. All parts of the triangle must be connected for the goal to be met. Go against the tide, give your child's teacher the respect she deserves and the support she requires. Your child will thank you.
7. Enlist Support
It truly does take a village to raise a child. Too often these days, however, parents find themselves struggling to do it all with very little support. If you live near grandparents, aunts, or uncles, ask if they can occasionally go to the soccer game, or pick up the art materials, or buy the new notebook. Very often it is the little tasks that combine to make parents feel overwhelmed. Spreading the small tasks around to willing volunteers may give you more time to focus on the important aspects of the school year. If family members aren't available to help, exchange help with neighbors and friends.
8. Practice what you Preach
In order to make the school year go more smoothly, it is important that your child is responsible, timely, and well-behaved. You are far more likely to have a child who behaves this way, if you model appropriate behavior for them. If you are frequently late, often forget important items, and are stressed and irritable most of the time, you are far more likely to have chronic problems with your children-especially during the school year when time is tight. Give your child the skills to succeed by working on them yourself. Nobody's perfect, but if you show that you ask of yourself the same things you ask of them, then you are more likely to garner their cooperation.
9. Plan Ahead
If you fail to plan, then plan to fail. Harsh though that statement may be, it often happens that you'd experience more success at school if you'd take the time to plan ahead. If you know that your daughter is going to appear in a play during the month of November, and that it will require lots of rehearsals after school, don't enroll her in tap class and swimming. When you know that time will be tight, it also makes sense to speak to your child's teacher in order to advise him of the situation and to get his help with scheduling homework. Always keep in mind what is coming up next week and what may be required due to the seasons. Getting to school in September may not be much of an issue, but what will you do when the snow flies?
10. Keep your Eye on the Prize
Being committed to managing the school year well takes effort. Keeping your family balanced despite all of the demands on everyone's time can be difficult. All of it can be managed better if you always stay focused on your purpose. Your purpose as a parent is to raise well-adjusted children who can enter society and forge a good life on their own. They need a good education in order to do this. How to ensure that your child receives the best education possible ought to be the first thing you think about in the morning and the thoughts you keep as you close your eyes at night.
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
Friday, October 2, 2009
7 Ways to Survive the Start of the School Year
It happens every year. Just when you are settled in to the lazy days of summer, you are startled to find Back to School catalogs in your mailbox and bikinis going on sale in favor of turtlenecks. Your local store has devoted an entire aisle to pencils, notebooks, and lunch bags. Soon there will be no more long days at the beach, late nights watching movies with popcorn, or mornings free of alarm clock jitters. It's enough to make you dread September, but it doesn't need to be that way. With a slight change in attitude and a plan in place, September can be one of the best months of the year.
1. Practice
Don't wait until Labor Day to get ready for the changeover to the school year. Begin pulling back bedtime during the last two weeks of August-around 8:30 to 9:00 PM for elementary school kids.
2. Lower Your Expectations
Major transitions equal disruption. Routines change and priorities shift. Allow yourself extra leeway when it comes to chores and tasks. Avoid scheduling appointments during the month surrounding the start of the school year.
3. Carve Out Extra Time
Clear the decks of added responsibilities so that you can get through the transition with less stress. Don't sign up for your usual extra-curricular activities. Keep your family commitments to a minimum.
4. Motivate Your Kids
Preparing for school isn't a job only for parents. The students themselves have things they must do to get ready. Make all the back to school activities, like shopping for school clothes, a fun family event. Devote the first week of school to getting settled and having fun as a family. Plan pizza nights and ice cream socials. Schedule extra game nights and buy a new puzzle.
5. Ask for Help
Reduce your stress during this transition. Enlist help to complete all the back to school tasks. Hire a babysitter to watch your younger children while you take your older children to buy school clothes. Ask grandparents to supervise school supplies purchases.
6. Set the Tone
Set a positive tone for the new school year. If you approach September with the kind of dread usually associated with prison terms, you can be sure your kids aren't going to be too happy about going to school. On the other hand, if you show interest and excitement in what lies ahead, then your child will be eager to get started.
7. Focus
The beginning of a new school year is an important time for a child. The whole family should be interested and involved in the process. Express interest about the upcoming year, classes, and school friends. Share your school memories. Celebrate this new beginning!
The beginning of a new school year can be an exciting time for a family. It's a fresh start with new teachers and classmates, and perhaps even a new school. Planning for the best possible beginning to the year shows your child how much you care. The more effort you put into it, the more you and your child will reap the rewards.
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
1. Practice
Don't wait until Labor Day to get ready for the changeover to the school year. Begin pulling back bedtime during the last two weeks of August-around 8:30 to 9:00 PM for elementary school kids.
2. Lower Your Expectations
Major transitions equal disruption. Routines change and priorities shift. Allow yourself extra leeway when it comes to chores and tasks. Avoid scheduling appointments during the month surrounding the start of the school year.
3. Carve Out Extra Time
Clear the decks of added responsibilities so that you can get through the transition with less stress. Don't sign up for your usual extra-curricular activities. Keep your family commitments to a minimum.
4. Motivate Your Kids
Preparing for school isn't a job only for parents. The students themselves have things they must do to get ready. Make all the back to school activities, like shopping for school clothes, a fun family event. Devote the first week of school to getting settled and having fun as a family. Plan pizza nights and ice cream socials. Schedule extra game nights and buy a new puzzle.
5. Ask for Help
Reduce your stress during this transition. Enlist help to complete all the back to school tasks. Hire a babysitter to watch your younger children while you take your older children to buy school clothes. Ask grandparents to supervise school supplies purchases.
6. Set the Tone
Set a positive tone for the new school year. If you approach September with the kind of dread usually associated with prison terms, you can be sure your kids aren't going to be too happy about going to school. On the other hand, if you show interest and excitement in what lies ahead, then your child will be eager to get started.
7. Focus
The beginning of a new school year is an important time for a child. The whole family should be interested and involved in the process. Express interest about the upcoming year, classes, and school friends. Share your school memories. Celebrate this new beginning!
The beginning of a new school year can be an exciting time for a family. It's a fresh start with new teachers and classmates, and perhaps even a new school. Planning for the best possible beginning to the year shows your child how much you care. The more effort you put into it, the more you and your child will reap the rewards.
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids?. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Want To Further Your Childrens Studies?
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure a good job is a degree. However, a degree subject may be perceived as too general and the acquisition of a specialist skill through professional courses or a post graduate program may help improve employment prospects.
Before you jump into a specific course or program, do take a look at the following considerations:
Studying overseas is better than studying locally? Well, we might not be sure about the education quality but in terms of exposure and character building, studying overseas definitely has its advantages while studying locally is more cost effective.
Be prepared and plan your application. When do you want to start your course? When can you start applying for the course? Apply early to avoid disappointments. There are many different institutions offering similar courses. To increase your chances of getting a place on the most appropriate course for you, do not rely on getting on to one particular course. Sometimes, it is not easy to get the desired course.
Where to get financial support? Family or scholarships? If scholarships, what are the requirements?
Hmmm...looking at the things to consider, we all need some luck for our educational and academic pursuits. Chinese Feng Shui principles denote that those looking to further their studies should place a globe in the Northeast sector of your home or even better, your children's study. The globe will enhance the energy for this sector and thus bringing luck to your educational and academic pursuits. Professors, teachers, writers and those involved in scholarly studies are also highly advised to display a globe on their study tables. Just twirl the globe towards you three times a day before 12am to enhance the luck of each day.
Michele Lum (michele@ideastoenhancehome.com) is the founder and CEO of Ideas To Enhance Home, a site where you can get free tips and ideas on how to enhance your home for better life in health, business, romance, children and security just by placing interesting home decors and setting up simple systems.
Sign up for a FREE subscription to tips and ideas on how to enhance your home by visiting www.IdeasToEnhanceHome.com
Before you jump into a specific course or program, do take a look at the following considerations:
Studying overseas is better than studying locally? Well, we might not be sure about the education quality but in terms of exposure and character building, studying overseas definitely has its advantages while studying locally is more cost effective.
Be prepared and plan your application. When do you want to start your course? When can you start applying for the course? Apply early to avoid disappointments. There are many different institutions offering similar courses. To increase your chances of getting a place on the most appropriate course for you, do not rely on getting on to one particular course. Sometimes, it is not easy to get the desired course.
Where to get financial support? Family or scholarships? If scholarships, what are the requirements?
Hmmm...looking at the things to consider, we all need some luck for our educational and academic pursuits. Chinese Feng Shui principles denote that those looking to further their studies should place a globe in the Northeast sector of your home or even better, your children's study. The globe will enhance the energy for this sector and thus bringing luck to your educational and academic pursuits. Professors, teachers, writers and those involved in scholarly studies are also highly advised to display a globe on their study tables. Just twirl the globe towards you three times a day before 12am to enhance the luck of each day.
Michele Lum (michele@ideastoenhancehome.com) is the founder and CEO of Ideas To Enhance Home, a site where you can get free tips and ideas on how to enhance your home for better life in health, business, romance, children and security just by placing interesting home decors and setting up simple systems.
Sign up for a FREE subscription to tips and ideas on how to enhance your home by visiting www.IdeasToEnhanceHome.com
Sunday, September 27, 2009
New Mom...New Baby...New Debt?
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along with your expanding waistline comes the ever growing list of products for you and your new bundle of joy. Preparing for a new baby can be a costly experience, especially in the areas of clothing and nursery furniture. The good news is that it does not have to be!
Let's talk about buying baby clothes...think RESALE! Every new mom gushes over the adorable clothing available for babies, but they often come with a not so adorable price. Resale clothing costs a fraction of the retail price. Buying resale clothing does not equal buying trash! Moms sell their baby's clothing to resale stores for a variety of reasons. Babies outgrow clothes so quickly (normally before they show any wear) they simply cannot use them anymore. Many precious newborns receive more clothes than they can wear in a season (everyone loves to buy baby clothes for shower gifts-they are just too cute!) that cannot be returned and they end up in resale stores with the tags still on! If you have the time and know what you are looking for, you can find plenty of designer and brand name clothing for a steal!
Buy now...save later! There is more beauty to the changing of the seasons than just the landscape! As the temperatures change, so do the prices of baby clothing! Most stores slash the price of their clothing up to 75% by the end of the season to make room for new clothes. Take advantage of this by buying a size or two larger than your baby's current size for him/her to wear the next year. The savings are amazing!
Another large expense when you are preparing for a new baby is furniture for the nursery. A good place to start when considering which pieces to buy is determining how much room you have to work with? Do you have a large room or do you need multipurpose furniture? A crib is a necessity and a given; however, you can pick and choose other nursery pieces. Combination pieces such as dresser/changing table combos are available at some stores and can save you from buying two pieces. Cribs with attached drawer space that convert to toddler beds are also available and will save you a lot of space. Thinking ahead when buying nursery furniture will save you both time and money in the future. By buying a combination piece of furniture for your nursery, you eliminate having to sell furniture you no longer need, as well as spending time looking for and more money on new "big kid" furniture.
Now that you have decided what to buy, it is time to shop! Once again, think resale! There are many children's resale stores that carry pre-owned nursery furniture for 50% or more off retail. They usually have several styles to choose from in different price ranges. If you find something you like, they will usually hold it for you (if you were not really prepared to take it home) and some stores may even have lay away plans.
Another great place to buy pre-owned furniture is the classified ads in your local newspaper. Seller's usually place ads on Thursday or Friday so they can catch the weekend readers. If you find something you are interested in, call quickly! Good furniture does not last long! Make sure you ask the seller plenty of questions. It is important to know before heading out to look at furniture things like the manufacture name, the age, if they have pets (if you are buying cushioned items and allergies are an issue for your family) and the exact color (if it is not adequately described in the ad). Asking these questions may be uncomfortable, but they can save you a lot of time and gasoline looking at something you know you will not be interested in. When you do look at pre-owned furniture from the newspaper, take someone with you and know what you are looking at. Are the style and the manufacturer of the furniture worth what the seller is asking for it? Is the furniture reasonably priced for it's age and condition? With a little knowledge, buying pre-owned nursery furniture can save you BIG money!
Awaiting the arrival of your new baby is an exhilarating time! Add to the excitement by saving money on quality gently worn (and sometimes new) clothing and pre-owned nursery furniture!
Susan Koiner is a SAHM, and former teacher, of three great kids ages seven, four and three. Her family, like many others, struggles with the challenges of "one income" and from this comes her passion for finding creative ways to save money. Susan is also the owner and creator of the online shopping directory www.momsmegamall.com.
Let's talk about buying baby clothes...think RESALE! Every new mom gushes over the adorable clothing available for babies, but they often come with a not so adorable price. Resale clothing costs a fraction of the retail price. Buying resale clothing does not equal buying trash! Moms sell their baby's clothing to resale stores for a variety of reasons. Babies outgrow clothes so quickly (normally before they show any wear) they simply cannot use them anymore. Many precious newborns receive more clothes than they can wear in a season (everyone loves to buy baby clothes for shower gifts-they are just too cute!) that cannot be returned and they end up in resale stores with the tags still on! If you have the time and know what you are looking for, you can find plenty of designer and brand name clothing for a steal!
Buy now...save later! There is more beauty to the changing of the seasons than just the landscape! As the temperatures change, so do the prices of baby clothing! Most stores slash the price of their clothing up to 75% by the end of the season to make room for new clothes. Take advantage of this by buying a size or two larger than your baby's current size for him/her to wear the next year. The savings are amazing!
Another large expense when you are preparing for a new baby is furniture for the nursery. A good place to start when considering which pieces to buy is determining how much room you have to work with? Do you have a large room or do you need multipurpose furniture? A crib is a necessity and a given; however, you can pick and choose other nursery pieces. Combination pieces such as dresser/changing table combos are available at some stores and can save you from buying two pieces. Cribs with attached drawer space that convert to toddler beds are also available and will save you a lot of space. Thinking ahead when buying nursery furniture will save you both time and money in the future. By buying a combination piece of furniture for your nursery, you eliminate having to sell furniture you no longer need, as well as spending time looking for and more money on new "big kid" furniture.
Now that you have decided what to buy, it is time to shop! Once again, think resale! There are many children's resale stores that carry pre-owned nursery furniture for 50% or more off retail. They usually have several styles to choose from in different price ranges. If you find something you like, they will usually hold it for you (if you were not really prepared to take it home) and some stores may even have lay away plans.
Another great place to buy pre-owned furniture is the classified ads in your local newspaper. Seller's usually place ads on Thursday or Friday so they can catch the weekend readers. If you find something you are interested in, call quickly! Good furniture does not last long! Make sure you ask the seller plenty of questions. It is important to know before heading out to look at furniture things like the manufacture name, the age, if they have pets (if you are buying cushioned items and allergies are an issue for your family) and the exact color (if it is not adequately described in the ad). Asking these questions may be uncomfortable, but they can save you a lot of time and gasoline looking at something you know you will not be interested in. When you do look at pre-owned furniture from the newspaper, take someone with you and know what you are looking at. Are the style and the manufacturer of the furniture worth what the seller is asking for it? Is the furniture reasonably priced for it's age and condition? With a little knowledge, buying pre-owned nursery furniture can save you BIG money!
Awaiting the arrival of your new baby is an exhilarating time! Add to the excitement by saving money on quality gently worn (and sometimes new) clothing and pre-owned nursery furniture!
Susan Koiner is a SAHM, and former teacher, of three great kids ages seven, four and three. Her family, like many others, struggles with the challenges of "one income" and from this comes her passion for finding creative ways to save money. Susan is also the owner and creator of the online shopping directory www.momsmegamall.com.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The Benefits of Music Education
Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in public schools, there is a great need for studying music. Band, orchestra, and choir all offer students a chance to work together in a social and intellectual group setting and excel at complex tasks.
The trick for parents is to enroll their children in high quality programs and assist them in purchasing high quality instruments. There are indeed many benefits to be realized from a musical education and a quick reference guide is listed below.
Playing a Musical Instrument Can
Help your child develop a commitment to excellence
Help your child develop self-esteem
Provide an opportunity for your child to experience self-expression, creativity, and heightened achievement
Engage the imagination
Contribute to a balanced, positive, challenging, and stimulating education
Prepare your child for other stages of development and participation in society by fostering dedication and sensitivity
Increase your child's brain development, math abilities, and higher thinking skills
Help your child develop perseverance when things are looking bleak and hopeless
Raise your child's awareness
Expand your child's knowledge
Help your child develop mind and body coordination
Contribute to your child's spiritual growth
Help your child develop teamwork skills
Be a source of great fun!
Tony Bancroft, Music Teacher and Author of "Growing Your Musician: A Practical Guide for Band and Orchestra Parents" assists parents in developing their musical children. He is an alumni of Yale University and UCLA. He can be reached at www.growingyourmusician.com
The trick for parents is to enroll their children in high quality programs and assist them in purchasing high quality instruments. There are indeed many benefits to be realized from a musical education and a quick reference guide is listed below.
Playing a Musical Instrument Can
Help your child develop a commitment to excellence
Help your child develop self-esteem
Provide an opportunity for your child to experience self-expression, creativity, and heightened achievement
Engage the imagination
Contribute to a balanced, positive, challenging, and stimulating education
Prepare your child for other stages of development and participation in society by fostering dedication and sensitivity
Increase your child's brain development, math abilities, and higher thinking skills
Help your child develop perseverance when things are looking bleak and hopeless
Raise your child's awareness
Expand your child's knowledge
Help your child develop mind and body coordination
Contribute to your child's spiritual growth
Help your child develop teamwork skills
Be a source of great fun!
Tony Bancroft, Music Teacher and Author of "Growing Your Musician: A Practical Guide for Band and Orchestra Parents" assists parents in developing their musical children. He is an alumni of Yale University and UCLA. He can be reached at www.growingyourmusician.com
Monday, September 21, 2009
Boundaries - Why Theyre Needed
Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life, has no
self-control, and lacks respect for others. If these were the qualities of
your son, how would you feel for his future wives?
Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundaries
for our children their future. One study showed that children born
recently on average will have more spouses than kids. Here are a few
examples of children who lack boundaries:
1. Little Johnny walks right into his parent's bedroom whenever he wants.
It does not matter if the door was open or closed.
2. Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television.
It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.
3. Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be her
teacher's fault, brother's fault, or a friend's fault when something does
not go right.
4. Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressures
her for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would want
to date her.
Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, and
life. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries.
Here are a few results that can occur:
1. Children can have controlling behavior
2. Children can be motivated by guilt or anger.
3. Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peer
group. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.
4. Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead to
a life of turmoil.
5. Children may allow others to think for them.
6. They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be.
This denies their maximum potential.
7. When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other's feelings.
8. Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another person
begins.
What is a parent to do? Many times we hinder our children from developing
boundaries. Realize we must teach our children boundaries; they are not
born with them. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries.
1. Recognize and respect the child's boundaries. For example, knock on
their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.
2. Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them.
3. Avoid controlling the child.
4. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills.
5. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do it
without anger, and use as few words as possible.
6. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good.
7. It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, or
nervous, that's okay, do it any ways.
Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for our
children.
1. Recognize your physical boundaries.
2. You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorly
prepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke away
from your space, and ask that loud music be turned down.
3. Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children their
opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think for
themselves.
4. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make.
5. Lets own what we do and what we don't do. Take responsibility for when
things go wrong.
6. Accept your thoughts, it is who you are.
7. Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.
Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. This is the first
guideline we teach in our workshops. Other benefits include:
1. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.
2. Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship.
3. Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.
4. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We
also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves.
5. Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.
Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedom. Boundaries lead to winning relationships for both
parties. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with a mature character. Simply put, boundaries simplify life.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
info@randelconsulting.com
self-control, and lacks respect for others. If these were the qualities of
your son, how would you feel for his future wives?
Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundaries
for our children their future. One study showed that children born
recently on average will have more spouses than kids. Here are a few
examples of children who lack boundaries:
1. Little Johnny walks right into his parent's bedroom whenever he wants.
It does not matter if the door was open or closed.
2. Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television.
It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.
3. Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be her
teacher's fault, brother's fault, or a friend's fault when something does
not go right.
4. Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressures
her for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would want
to date her.
Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, and
life. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries.
Here are a few results that can occur:
1. Children can have controlling behavior
2. Children can be motivated by guilt or anger.
3. Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peer
group. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.
4. Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead to
a life of turmoil.
5. Children may allow others to think for them.
6. They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be.
This denies their maximum potential.
7. When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other's feelings.
8. Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another person
begins.
What is a parent to do? Many times we hinder our children from developing
boundaries. Realize we must teach our children boundaries; they are not
born with them. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries.
1. Recognize and respect the child's boundaries. For example, knock on
their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.
2. Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them.
3. Avoid controlling the child.
4. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills.
5. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do it
without anger, and use as few words as possible.
6. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good.
7. It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, or
nervous, that's okay, do it any ways.
Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for our
children.
1. Recognize your physical boundaries.
2. You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorly
prepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke away
from your space, and ask that loud music be turned down.
3. Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children their
opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think for
themselves.
4. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make.
5. Lets own what we do and what we don't do. Take responsibility for when
things go wrong.
6. Accept your thoughts, it is who you are.
7. Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.
Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. This is the first
guideline we teach in our workshops. Other benefits include:
1. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.
2. Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship.
3. Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.
4. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We
also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves.
5. Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.
Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedom. Boundaries lead to winning relationships for both
parties. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with a mature character. Simply put, boundaries simplify life.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
info@randelconsulting.com
If your child is being bullied - 20 top tips for parents
Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes school. For a fourth
grader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school though
does not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied before
school, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wanting
to go into that environment?
The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying
things to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing into
one's space without permission.
Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're just
making a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't we
tell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it.
WHAT CAN A PARENT DO?
If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents then
there are some very important questions to address.
· Why wouldn't he tell his parents?
· What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?
· Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?
· Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved in
solving his problems.
Tips for parents:
· Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
· Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feel
hurt, sad, and angry.
· Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking
questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
· Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the
thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
· Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent
strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a
supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
· Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is
going on.
· Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
· Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
· Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong
message.
· Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.
· Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
· Teach self-respect.
· Give numerous positive comments to your child.
· Avoid labeling or name-calling.
· Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are
positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the
positive ways.
· Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more
likely they will stand up to a bully.
· Stress the importance of body language.
· Teach your child to use 'I' statements.
· Teach positive self-talk.
· Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bully
says to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a couple
different ways:
"Thanks for sharing"
"Yes, I know, I always have been"
"Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away.
There is many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why
people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being
bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All
of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.
Visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com to learn what is possible. There are solutions.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
info@randelconsulting.com
grader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school though
does not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied before
school, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wanting
to go into that environment?
The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying
things to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing into
one's space without permission.
Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're just
making a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't we
tell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it.
WHAT CAN A PARENT DO?
If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents then
there are some very important questions to address.
· Why wouldn't he tell his parents?
· What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?
· Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?
· Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved in
solving his problems.
Tips for parents:
· Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
· Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feel
hurt, sad, and angry.
· Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking
questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
· Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the
thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
· Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent
strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a
supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
· Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is
going on.
· Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
· Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
· Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong
message.
· Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.
· Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
· Teach self-respect.
· Give numerous positive comments to your child.
· Avoid labeling or name-calling.
· Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are
positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the
positive ways.
· Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more
likely they will stand up to a bully.
· Stress the importance of body language.
· Teach your child to use 'I' statements.
· Teach positive self-talk.
· Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bully
says to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a couple
different ways:
"Thanks for sharing"
"Yes, I know, I always have been"
"Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away.
There is many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why
people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being
bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All
of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.
Visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com to learn what is possible. There are solutions.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
info@randelconsulting.com
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Summer Survival
Summer Survival
The summer season is here and along with it comes summer vacation for the school-aged kids. Moms are now responsible for coming up with the ideas and curriculum for their children and I am the first to admit that by the summer my creative juices have just about run out. How can you make summer another time of fun and enjoyment rather than boredom? And just how do you do this on a budget? There are lots of great things that you can do this summer and ways to keep organized when doing it. Here are a few of Mom Advice's suggestions for summer survival:
Mini-Vacations
Rather than taking one long vacation in the summer, break your vacations into smaller and more affordable activities. Some suggestions are hitting area zoos, amusement parks, local festivals, and museums. By taking smaller vacations, you have a few things to look forward to rather than just one event. Check out some books from your local library on activities that you can do within your own state and then research on how to get the best price. Talk about your vacation plans with friends and see if they know of any places that are cheap to stay at or where you can get coupons for money off of tickets. Ask your library as well if they offer any season passes that you can take advantage of. One of our local libraries had a pass to the art museum which library patrons could check out for the day gaining them free admittance into the local museums and galleries. We checked these out and saved thirty dollars every time we hit one of these places. Call in advance though because you may be competing with another family for the same day.
If you are planning a vacation to another state or even within your own state, visit the state's visitor's bureau website to get a packet of information and coupons for the state. For example, we were planning a trip to Cedar Point in Ohio so I requested a packet of information to be sent to me by the visitor's bureau. Within this packet of information was a gold mine of coupons for the amusement park including buy one get one free admissions which saved us over twenty-five dollars.
Stocking Up
With the summer season comes a whole new set of things that you will need to be stocked up on. With children home from school, you are now the one who is to come up with the creative lunches and snacks for the kids. Try and keep the fridge well-stocked with lots of fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grain breads, meats, and cheeses so that you can quickly make sandwiches and can avoid spending money at the drive-thru. Having items on hand that children can make themselves will also take some pressure off of you for providing the meal.
A great way to save time on cleaning up after your meals is by taking advantage of the pleasant weather and dining outside. Our family does a lot of eating outside on our patio furniture which makes for easy clean-up. When it is just my son and I though, we eat outside on a plastic mat "picnic-style". We love to do this and the mat only requires a quick shake and clean-up is a breeze.
We also purchased a small cooler lunchbox for our day trips out which is a great investment for the family. We take this everywhere and fill it with the day's lunch or snacks while we are out. Filling this with healthy snacks and food will save you money as well as saving you from a less than healthy trip to the drive-thru when you are out on one of your day trips or just running errands. This cooler can also be used when grocery shopping for keeping your ice cream and meats at cool temperatures.
Another great purchase for your car is a seat organizer where you can stick books and toys in for the kids as well as diapers, wet wipes, and maps to get to your destination. Don't forget to pack a towel for brushing off after those trips to the beach as well.
A kiddy pool and sandbox can be a great investment for the summer as well for the younger kids. My son spends hours playing in his sandbox and kiddy pool and the investment was small compared to the hours of enjoyment he can get from these. If a family member is looking for a gift this summer for a birthday or just because, suggest buying one of these items so that you don't have to pay for these yourself. We asked for these items for our son's birthday and also used our anniversary money to put towards a family zoo pass for the summer.
Don't forget to stock up on all of those fun summer toys for the kids to play with outside. You can stock up on a lot of your fun summer items over at the local Dollar Store. We purchase sidewalk chalk, sandbox tools and toys, bubbles, and water guns. They offer a wide variety of fun summer toys that won't break the bank. You can also make a couple of these yourself with these recipes.
Super Sidewalk Paint
ј cup cornstarch
ј cup cold water
6-8 drops of food coloring
Directions: Mix cornstarch and cold water together in a small plastic bowl. Add food coloring and stir. Repeat this process to creat different colors of Super Sidewalk Paint. Super Sidewalk Paint can easily be washed away with water
Treasure Stones
1 cup flour
1 cup used coffee grinds
Ѕ cup salt
ј cup sand
ѕ cup water
Directions: Mix all dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Slowly add water and knead until the mixture is the consistency of bread dough. Break off a piece of dough and roll it into the size of a baseball. Make a hole in the center of the ball big enough to hide treasures in. Fill the hole with treasures and seal with some extra dough. Let your treasure stone air dry for two or three days or until hard or bake in the oven on a cookie sheet at 150 degrees for fifteen to twenty minutes. If you would like to tin your Treasure Stone, add one tablespoon of powder tempera paint to tint.
Water Balloon Yo-Yo
1 small balloon
1 large rubber band
Directions: Cut the rubber band in half. Tie a loop securely on one end of the rubber band. It should be big enough to fit around your finger. Use a garden hose or water faucet to fill the balloon ј of the way with water. Blow air into the balloon until it is the size of a tennis ball. Tie the balloon shut. Securely tie the rubber band around theknot on the balloon. Place the rubber band loop around your middle finger and gently throw the balloon toward the ground. When the balloon springs back toward your hand, try to grab it.
Rainy days during the summer can be particularly difficult for children and parents alike. A great way to make these days go by quicker is by keeping lots of craft supplies on hand. You can also print out free printable coloring pages and crafts through http://www.dltk-kids.com/. We keep lots of construction paper, play dough, crayons, and coloring books on hand for fun and creative activities during the day.
Keep in mind that your library can be a wonderful summer resource for your family. Obviously, the library offers lot of great summer reading to help you get through those rainy days, but try to look past just the literature and ask your children's librarian what types of summer reading and activities they offer. I still remember as a child that the library offered a great summer reading program that worked in conjunction with our local Pizza Hut where we received stars for meeting reading goals that could be used towards food at the restaurant. This motivated me so much as a child that I read many more books then I had anticipated. Setting reading goals during the summer can be very rewarding for children. Make sure to ask your child's teacher for a reading list of books that they should be reading in preparation for the next grade. If your child is not reading yet, be sure to take advantage of this time to read to them. It truly is amazing the power literature has on our minds and speech development.
Don't Over Schedule
For some reason many parents tend to go overboard on the summer classes and activities. I remember as a child how much I enjoyed just running around through the sprinklers, getting ice cream, or taking a trip to the park. I do not remember as clearly the classes that I took or the activities that my parents had paid for. It is so important to allow our kids to be kids! Kids really do remember the little outings that you do with them and often these outings and time spent with them have a greater impact then four weeks of camp will.
Remember that this is their summer vacation. I know that I do not enjoy having every single minute of my vacation booked with things to do; likewise children enjoy having some downtime. Try to keep this in mind when signing them up for various summer programs. Maybe allowing your child to pick one or two activities during the summer will be more manageable for both you (the driver) and your child.
Making Memories
Most importantly, enjoy your summer to its fullest?.. Whether it is long lazy days of lounging by the kiddy pool or a fun-filled summer chock full of day trips and activities- try to make it a summer to remember. I am filling my son's memory book up this summer of all the wonderful things we have gotten to do. I always think that I will remember each and every moment with him- the smells of the hot dogs on the grill, the sand between our toes as we play for hours in his sandbox, or his sweet face full of fascination at the tiny bugs crawling on his swing set, but all too quickly it is gone. Put your pen to paper this summer and lovingly write those memories down so someday you and your child can reminisce over the beauty of that hot summer of his youth and all that you shared together during those wonderful months.
Amy Clark is a stay-at-home mother of a two year old son. She is founder and creator of http://www.momadvice.com. Her web site is geared towards mothers who are seeking advice on staying organized, living on a budget, and for those seeking work-at-home employment. The author resides in Granger, Indiana and her hobbies include reading, writing, cooking and cake decorating. Please visit her web site for more information on these various topics for mothers and be sure to join the forum where your opinions and ideas count.
The summer season is here and along with it comes summer vacation for the school-aged kids. Moms are now responsible for coming up with the ideas and curriculum for their children and I am the first to admit that by the summer my creative juices have just about run out. How can you make summer another time of fun and enjoyment rather than boredom? And just how do you do this on a budget? There are lots of great things that you can do this summer and ways to keep organized when doing it. Here are a few of Mom Advice's suggestions for summer survival:
Mini-Vacations
Rather than taking one long vacation in the summer, break your vacations into smaller and more affordable activities. Some suggestions are hitting area zoos, amusement parks, local festivals, and museums. By taking smaller vacations, you have a few things to look forward to rather than just one event. Check out some books from your local library on activities that you can do within your own state and then research on how to get the best price. Talk about your vacation plans with friends and see if they know of any places that are cheap to stay at or where you can get coupons for money off of tickets. Ask your library as well if they offer any season passes that you can take advantage of. One of our local libraries had a pass to the art museum which library patrons could check out for the day gaining them free admittance into the local museums and galleries. We checked these out and saved thirty dollars every time we hit one of these places. Call in advance though because you may be competing with another family for the same day.
If you are planning a vacation to another state or even within your own state, visit the state's visitor's bureau website to get a packet of information and coupons for the state. For example, we were planning a trip to Cedar Point in Ohio so I requested a packet of information to be sent to me by the visitor's bureau. Within this packet of information was a gold mine of coupons for the amusement park including buy one get one free admissions which saved us over twenty-five dollars.
Stocking Up
With the summer season comes a whole new set of things that you will need to be stocked up on. With children home from school, you are now the one who is to come up with the creative lunches and snacks for the kids. Try and keep the fridge well-stocked with lots of fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grain breads, meats, and cheeses so that you can quickly make sandwiches and can avoid spending money at the drive-thru. Having items on hand that children can make themselves will also take some pressure off of you for providing the meal.
A great way to save time on cleaning up after your meals is by taking advantage of the pleasant weather and dining outside. Our family does a lot of eating outside on our patio furniture which makes for easy clean-up. When it is just my son and I though, we eat outside on a plastic mat "picnic-style". We love to do this and the mat only requires a quick shake and clean-up is a breeze.
We also purchased a small cooler lunchbox for our day trips out which is a great investment for the family. We take this everywhere and fill it with the day's lunch or snacks while we are out. Filling this with healthy snacks and food will save you money as well as saving you from a less than healthy trip to the drive-thru when you are out on one of your day trips or just running errands. This cooler can also be used when grocery shopping for keeping your ice cream and meats at cool temperatures.
Another great purchase for your car is a seat organizer where you can stick books and toys in for the kids as well as diapers, wet wipes, and maps to get to your destination. Don't forget to pack a towel for brushing off after those trips to the beach as well.
A kiddy pool and sandbox can be a great investment for the summer as well for the younger kids. My son spends hours playing in his sandbox and kiddy pool and the investment was small compared to the hours of enjoyment he can get from these. If a family member is looking for a gift this summer for a birthday or just because, suggest buying one of these items so that you don't have to pay for these yourself. We asked for these items for our son's birthday and also used our anniversary money to put towards a family zoo pass for the summer.
Don't forget to stock up on all of those fun summer toys for the kids to play with outside. You can stock up on a lot of your fun summer items over at the local Dollar Store. We purchase sidewalk chalk, sandbox tools and toys, bubbles, and water guns. They offer a wide variety of fun summer toys that won't break the bank. You can also make a couple of these yourself with these recipes.
Super Sidewalk Paint
ј cup cornstarch
ј cup cold water
6-8 drops of food coloring
Directions: Mix cornstarch and cold water together in a small plastic bowl. Add food coloring and stir. Repeat this process to creat different colors of Super Sidewalk Paint. Super Sidewalk Paint can easily be washed away with water
Treasure Stones
1 cup flour
1 cup used coffee grinds
Ѕ cup salt
ј cup sand
ѕ cup water
Directions: Mix all dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Slowly add water and knead until the mixture is the consistency of bread dough. Break off a piece of dough and roll it into the size of a baseball. Make a hole in the center of the ball big enough to hide treasures in. Fill the hole with treasures and seal with some extra dough. Let your treasure stone air dry for two or three days or until hard or bake in the oven on a cookie sheet at 150 degrees for fifteen to twenty minutes. If you would like to tin your Treasure Stone, add one tablespoon of powder tempera paint to tint.
Water Balloon Yo-Yo
1 small balloon
1 large rubber band
Directions: Cut the rubber band in half. Tie a loop securely on one end of the rubber band. It should be big enough to fit around your finger. Use a garden hose or water faucet to fill the balloon ј of the way with water. Blow air into the balloon until it is the size of a tennis ball. Tie the balloon shut. Securely tie the rubber band around theknot on the balloon. Place the rubber band loop around your middle finger and gently throw the balloon toward the ground. When the balloon springs back toward your hand, try to grab it.
Rainy days during the summer can be particularly difficult for children and parents alike. A great way to make these days go by quicker is by keeping lots of craft supplies on hand. You can also print out free printable coloring pages and crafts through http://www.dltk-kids.com/. We keep lots of construction paper, play dough, crayons, and coloring books on hand for fun and creative activities during the day.
Keep in mind that your library can be a wonderful summer resource for your family. Obviously, the library offers lot of great summer reading to help you get through those rainy days, but try to look past just the literature and ask your children's librarian what types of summer reading and activities they offer. I still remember as a child that the library offered a great summer reading program that worked in conjunction with our local Pizza Hut where we received stars for meeting reading goals that could be used towards food at the restaurant. This motivated me so much as a child that I read many more books then I had anticipated. Setting reading goals during the summer can be very rewarding for children. Make sure to ask your child's teacher for a reading list of books that they should be reading in preparation for the next grade. If your child is not reading yet, be sure to take advantage of this time to read to them. It truly is amazing the power literature has on our minds and speech development.
Don't Over Schedule
For some reason many parents tend to go overboard on the summer classes and activities. I remember as a child how much I enjoyed just running around through the sprinklers, getting ice cream, or taking a trip to the park. I do not remember as clearly the classes that I took or the activities that my parents had paid for. It is so important to allow our kids to be kids! Kids really do remember the little outings that you do with them and often these outings and time spent with them have a greater impact then four weeks of camp will.
Remember that this is their summer vacation. I know that I do not enjoy having every single minute of my vacation booked with things to do; likewise children enjoy having some downtime. Try to keep this in mind when signing them up for various summer programs. Maybe allowing your child to pick one or two activities during the summer will be more manageable for both you (the driver) and your child.
Making Memories
Most importantly, enjoy your summer to its fullest?.. Whether it is long lazy days of lounging by the kiddy pool or a fun-filled summer chock full of day trips and activities- try to make it a summer to remember. I am filling my son's memory book up this summer of all the wonderful things we have gotten to do. I always think that I will remember each and every moment with him- the smells of the hot dogs on the grill, the sand between our toes as we play for hours in his sandbox, or his sweet face full of fascination at the tiny bugs crawling on his swing set, but all too quickly it is gone. Put your pen to paper this summer and lovingly write those memories down so someday you and your child can reminisce over the beauty of that hot summer of his youth and all that you shared together during those wonderful months.
Amy Clark is a stay-at-home mother of a two year old son. She is founder and creator of http://www.momadvice.com. Her web site is geared towards mothers who are seeking advice on staying organized, living on a budget, and for those seeking work-at-home employment. The author resides in Granger, Indiana and her hobbies include reading, writing, cooking and cake decorating. Please visit her web site for more information on these various topics for mothers and be sure to join the forum where your opinions and ideas count.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting
I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.
At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.
Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.
Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.
I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.
Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.
It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"
Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.
Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.
Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."
I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.
I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.
The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.
The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.
Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.
Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at KlinikOng.com
At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.
Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.
Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.
I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.
Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.
It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"
Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.
Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.
Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."
I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.
I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.
The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.
The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.
Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.
Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at KlinikOng.com
Book Review: How to Get Your Child to Love Reading
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived when author Esmй Raji Codell was staring at a shriveled potato that was sprouting eyes. She wondered, " . . . if I had a potato, nothing but a potato, how could I teach a classroom full of children? Well, I could cut a potato in half. (I can use the paring knife from my own kitchen, right?) We could review fractions. With one half, I could cut a design and do potato prints. We could plant the eyes from the other half of the potato (it can have eyes, right?) and grow more potatoes, charting their growth." The ideas cascade: writing a story about a potato, making a book of potato recipes or potato poems, making potato stamps of all the letters, teaching reading, getting books from the library about potatoes, talking about the Irish potato famine, writing letters to executives about potato chips or Mr. Potato Head.
The preceding excerpt illustrates the boundless creativity of Esmй Raji Codell. On this first page she establishes the metaphor that recurs throughout How to Get Your Child to Love Reading: "Children's literature is our national potato." It is the seed that, through its many shoots, can help our children become caring, educated citizens.
Although the cover dubs How to Get Your Child to Love Reading a "Parent's Guide," this book is a treasure trove for teachers, librarians, grandparents, anyone who cares about children and books. It provides "activities, ideas, and inspiration for exploring everything in the world through books." It is a valuable resource for nourishing juvenile readers, both the reluctant and the ravenous.
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading includes over 3,000 titles recommended for children from birth through eighth grade. However, it doesn't stop with mere recommendations. As Esmй says, "This book is a recipe book for children's literature: how to serve it up so it's delicious and varied."
After a section on reading with "the littlest bambinos," How to Get Your Child to Love Reading is organized by subject matter: social studies, math and science, story books, etc. Esmй subdivides the broad categories, however, so that book lists have very specific headings. She offers books for specific seasons, for special occasions (such as the arrival of a sibling or the loss of a tooth), for dealing with everyday problems (tattling or the hiccups).
Because the categories are so specific, many books are listed simply by title and author. That is sufficient. Sometimes Esmй adds just a word or two of description. For example, in the math section the note "place value" beside the title The King's Commissioners is extremely elucidating. For some books Esmй provides sentence summaries. For others she provides more information, even excerpts. She provides just enough information to whet our appetites.
But How to Get Your Child to Love Reading has so much more! Esmй's wisdom and revelry shine through on every page. Esmй includes dozens of articles, some on controversial subjects (for example, should reading be rewarded?). She has recurring features honoring "reading heroes" and addressing questions about various aspects of reading. She provides a list of benefits of reading aloud, a "Happy Childhood Checklist," a list of "Must-Reads by the Time You're Thirteen," six pages of story starters. She offers suggestions for integrating literature with life, often in celebration -- a parade of books, a storytelling festival, an unbirthday party. She recommends additional resources, many of them on the Internet.
Appendices and indices round out How to Get Your Child to Love Reading. The appendices include Newbery and Caldecott Award honorees as well as winners. Information about a specific book is easy to find since the books are triply indexed -- by title, author, and subject.
I am thrilled to have discovered Esmй Raji Codell. She is indeed an exuberant, eloquent young voice for promoting literacy through children's literature. How to Get Your Child to Love Reading may well offer the best hope for stemming the current tide of illiteracy.
A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. For more information, visit http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.
The preceding excerpt illustrates the boundless creativity of Esmй Raji Codell. On this first page she establishes the metaphor that recurs throughout How to Get Your Child to Love Reading: "Children's literature is our national potato." It is the seed that, through its many shoots, can help our children become caring, educated citizens.
Although the cover dubs How to Get Your Child to Love Reading a "Parent's Guide," this book is a treasure trove for teachers, librarians, grandparents, anyone who cares about children and books. It provides "activities, ideas, and inspiration for exploring everything in the world through books." It is a valuable resource for nourishing juvenile readers, both the reluctant and the ravenous.
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading includes over 3,000 titles recommended for children from birth through eighth grade. However, it doesn't stop with mere recommendations. As Esmй says, "This book is a recipe book for children's literature: how to serve it up so it's delicious and varied."
After a section on reading with "the littlest bambinos," How to Get Your Child to Love Reading is organized by subject matter: social studies, math and science, story books, etc. Esmй subdivides the broad categories, however, so that book lists have very specific headings. She offers books for specific seasons, for special occasions (such as the arrival of a sibling or the loss of a tooth), for dealing with everyday problems (tattling or the hiccups).
Because the categories are so specific, many books are listed simply by title and author. That is sufficient. Sometimes Esmй adds just a word or two of description. For example, in the math section the note "place value" beside the title The King's Commissioners is extremely elucidating. For some books Esmй provides sentence summaries. For others she provides more information, even excerpts. She provides just enough information to whet our appetites.
But How to Get Your Child to Love Reading has so much more! Esmй's wisdom and revelry shine through on every page. Esmй includes dozens of articles, some on controversial subjects (for example, should reading be rewarded?). She has recurring features honoring "reading heroes" and addressing questions about various aspects of reading. She provides a list of benefits of reading aloud, a "Happy Childhood Checklist," a list of "Must-Reads by the Time You're Thirteen," six pages of story starters. She offers suggestions for integrating literature with life, often in celebration -- a parade of books, a storytelling festival, an unbirthday party. She recommends additional resources, many of them on the Internet.
Appendices and indices round out How to Get Your Child to Love Reading. The appendices include Newbery and Caldecott Award honorees as well as winners. Information about a specific book is easy to find since the books are triply indexed -- by title, author, and subject.
I am thrilled to have discovered Esmй Raji Codell. She is indeed an exuberant, eloquent young voice for promoting literacy through children's literature. How to Get Your Child to Love Reading may well offer the best hope for stemming the current tide of illiteracy.
A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. For more information, visit http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Vision: 20/20 Is Not Enough!
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision checked. Don't be too quick to say, "My child's vision is fine: 20/20!" In many cases that is not enough.
The Snellen chart, the instrument most frequently used to test eyesight, often gives people a false sense of security about their vision. It measures only acuity -- and that at a distance of 20 feet. How much does your child read at that distance?
The National Center for Health Statistics estimates that about 25 percent of children enter school with vision problems that can impede their school progress. Almost 50 percent of children with learning difficulties have vision problems, and up to 94 percent of children with reading problems have reduced visual skills.
Why does the Snellen chart leave some of these problems undetected? Vision involves much more than the sharpness of an image. It involves focusing -- and refocusing as attention shifts between far and near (as when copying from the board). It involves binocularity, the two eyes working together to capture accurate pictures of our world and of the printed page. Vision also involves perception, the brain's interpretation of the images taken in by the eyes.
Many people believe that vision should be checked by an ophthalmologist, the person with the highest credentials. While it is true that an ophthalmologist is an M.D., he or she has spent about the same amount of time studying the anatomy, functions, and diseases of the eye as an optometrist has spent studying vision alone. To check my child's vision I would seek an optometrist, specifically a "developmental" or "behavioral" optometrist. Not only will the vision exam be more thorough, but the developmental optometrist may prescribe a course of "vision therapy" to remedy problems.
Often we take vision for granted and do not think of it as a learned behavior. Because it is learned, however, through practice we can improve it. Experts speculate that the frequency of vision problems may be increasing because with television, video games, and computers, children today do not use their eyes in as many different ways as children did formerly; overall the vision of children entering school is less developed than it was a few decades ago.
What symptoms might indicate a vision problem? Any time a bright person struggles with reading, further investigation is warranted. Consider these specific questions in relation to yourself as well as in relation to your children or students. Answering yes to even a few of the questions justifies further examination. Do not discount a "yes" even if it is limited to special circumstances, such as fatigue.
Do you (or does the child) . . .
? hold reading material extremely close or far away?
? have poor posture or an unusual head tilt while doing close work?
? squint the eyes or open them very wide?
? cover one eye?
? frequently blink or rub the eyes?
? suffer from headaches, eyestrain, or fatigue?
? require excessive time to complete schoolwork or other near tasks?
? lose a place often when copying?
? skip words or lines when reading?
? report that words on a page blur or move?
? have poor comprehension of material read?
? run words together when writing?
? have poor hand-eye coordination?
I have first-hand experience with vision problems. I will be eternally grateful to Jane Porchey, my younger son's kindergarten teacher, for identifying his vision problem in October. She noticed that although he could count, he kept getting the wrong answer when counting dots in a square. Working with him individually and having him point to the dots as he counted them, she discovered that for him the dots moved. It is not unusual for children with vision problems to have words and letters swim on the page, appearing and disappearing, doing flip-flops. Imagine trying to read under these circumstances! Even if you could manage to decode the words, you would have very little reserve attention to devote to comprehension.
Life can be very frustrating for people with vision problems. The world as a whole is likely to be fluid and chaotic for them. School in particular is likely to become a source of failure. It has been found that 70 percent of juvenile delinquents have vision problems that interfere with their ability to achieve. In one study, however, the rate of recidivism dropped from 45 percent to 16 percent when offenders received on-site vision therapy.
People with vision problems usually do not realize that they have them; they have no reason to think that their view of the world is different from everyone else's.
My son's story has a happy ending. After a few weeks of vision therapy, his eyes began working together better. Letters and numbers were less mobile. He was able to corral his writing into primary triple-rule. By spring his penmanship looked like the handwriting chart. His behavior improved, too. The frustration he had experienced in school -- and in the world in general -- had often made him sad, contrary, and belligerent. Once he discovered order in his world, he became cheerful, confident, generous.
Two self-portraits -- both made in kindergarten -- show how John changed as a result of vision therapy. The first, made in September, shows the most forlorn-looking child I have ever seen. I did not even recognize him as the child I had lived with for six years. The crayon lines are rather faintly drawn. One eye is about an inch lower than the other; he has no nose or mouth. Stringlike arms issue from his sides, the right arm about three times longer than the left. His right arm sprouts three fingers; his left arm, five, the shortest of which is longer than the arm itself. Although a patch of magenta represents his shorts, he has no legs or feet.
The second self-portrait, done in May, includes me. The lines of the drawing are firm. We both have noses, U-shaped smiles, and eyes that are directly across from each other. We both have legs and feet. We are, in fact, nearly identical as we stand with our arms around each other.
Preschoolers -- even infants -- can benefit from examination by a developmental optometrist. If a problem is identified very early, correction might be possible before the problem has a chance to cause difficulty in school. Adults, too, can benefit from vision therapy.
I urge you to have your children's vision evaluated by a developmental optometrist as soon as possible, particularly if your children are having learning difficulties or if vision problems run in your family. Such an evaluation can only work for good. If a problem is discovered, you can begin working to correct it. If no problem is identified, you will have ruled out one possible cause of learning difficulties. That, too, is worthwhile.
For additional information about symptoms, therapy, and parent support groups, visit this site sponsored by Parents Active for Vision Education (P.A.V.E.), a national non-profit organization: http://www.pavevision.org/
A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. For more information, visit http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.
The Snellen chart, the instrument most frequently used to test eyesight, often gives people a false sense of security about their vision. It measures only acuity -- and that at a distance of 20 feet. How much does your child read at that distance?
The National Center for Health Statistics estimates that about 25 percent of children enter school with vision problems that can impede their school progress. Almost 50 percent of children with learning difficulties have vision problems, and up to 94 percent of children with reading problems have reduced visual skills.
Why does the Snellen chart leave some of these problems undetected? Vision involves much more than the sharpness of an image. It involves focusing -- and refocusing as attention shifts between far and near (as when copying from the board). It involves binocularity, the two eyes working together to capture accurate pictures of our world and of the printed page. Vision also involves perception, the brain's interpretation of the images taken in by the eyes.
Many people believe that vision should be checked by an ophthalmologist, the person with the highest credentials. While it is true that an ophthalmologist is an M.D., he or she has spent about the same amount of time studying the anatomy, functions, and diseases of the eye as an optometrist has spent studying vision alone. To check my child's vision I would seek an optometrist, specifically a "developmental" or "behavioral" optometrist. Not only will the vision exam be more thorough, but the developmental optometrist may prescribe a course of "vision therapy" to remedy problems.
Often we take vision for granted and do not think of it as a learned behavior. Because it is learned, however, through practice we can improve it. Experts speculate that the frequency of vision problems may be increasing because with television, video games, and computers, children today do not use their eyes in as many different ways as children did formerly; overall the vision of children entering school is less developed than it was a few decades ago.
What symptoms might indicate a vision problem? Any time a bright person struggles with reading, further investigation is warranted. Consider these specific questions in relation to yourself as well as in relation to your children or students. Answering yes to even a few of the questions justifies further examination. Do not discount a "yes" even if it is limited to special circumstances, such as fatigue.
Do you (or does the child) . . .
? hold reading material extremely close or far away?
? have poor posture or an unusual head tilt while doing close work?
? squint the eyes or open them very wide?
? cover one eye?
? frequently blink or rub the eyes?
? suffer from headaches, eyestrain, or fatigue?
? require excessive time to complete schoolwork or other near tasks?
? lose a place often when copying?
? skip words or lines when reading?
? report that words on a page blur or move?
? have poor comprehension of material read?
? run words together when writing?
? have poor hand-eye coordination?
I have first-hand experience with vision problems. I will be eternally grateful to Jane Porchey, my younger son's kindergarten teacher, for identifying his vision problem in October. She noticed that although he could count, he kept getting the wrong answer when counting dots in a square. Working with him individually and having him point to the dots as he counted them, she discovered that for him the dots moved. It is not unusual for children with vision problems to have words and letters swim on the page, appearing and disappearing, doing flip-flops. Imagine trying to read under these circumstances! Even if you could manage to decode the words, you would have very little reserve attention to devote to comprehension.
Life can be very frustrating for people with vision problems. The world as a whole is likely to be fluid and chaotic for them. School in particular is likely to become a source of failure. It has been found that 70 percent of juvenile delinquents have vision problems that interfere with their ability to achieve. In one study, however, the rate of recidivism dropped from 45 percent to 16 percent when offenders received on-site vision therapy.
People with vision problems usually do not realize that they have them; they have no reason to think that their view of the world is different from everyone else's.
My son's story has a happy ending. After a few weeks of vision therapy, his eyes began working together better. Letters and numbers were less mobile. He was able to corral his writing into primary triple-rule. By spring his penmanship looked like the handwriting chart. His behavior improved, too. The frustration he had experienced in school -- and in the world in general -- had often made him sad, contrary, and belligerent. Once he discovered order in his world, he became cheerful, confident, generous.
Two self-portraits -- both made in kindergarten -- show how John changed as a result of vision therapy. The first, made in September, shows the most forlorn-looking child I have ever seen. I did not even recognize him as the child I had lived with for six years. The crayon lines are rather faintly drawn. One eye is about an inch lower than the other; he has no nose or mouth. Stringlike arms issue from his sides, the right arm about three times longer than the left. His right arm sprouts three fingers; his left arm, five, the shortest of which is longer than the arm itself. Although a patch of magenta represents his shorts, he has no legs or feet.
The second self-portrait, done in May, includes me. The lines of the drawing are firm. We both have noses, U-shaped smiles, and eyes that are directly across from each other. We both have legs and feet. We are, in fact, nearly identical as we stand with our arms around each other.
Preschoolers -- even infants -- can benefit from examination by a developmental optometrist. If a problem is identified very early, correction might be possible before the problem has a chance to cause difficulty in school. Adults, too, can benefit from vision therapy.
I urge you to have your children's vision evaluated by a developmental optometrist as soon as possible, particularly if your children are having learning difficulties or if vision problems run in your family. Such an evaluation can only work for good. If a problem is discovered, you can begin working to correct it. If no problem is identified, you will have ruled out one possible cause of learning difficulties. That, too, is worthwhile.
For additional information about symptoms, therapy, and parent support groups, visit this site sponsored by Parents Active for Vision Education (P.A.V.E.), a national non-profit organization: http://www.pavevision.org/
A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. For more information, visit http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.
For School Success, Dont Coddle Your Kids
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes their best intentions are misguided. Attempts to provide children with a wonderful life can, in fact, increase the stress of the entire family.
One of parents' most common mistakes is to want to make everything easy for their children. It's painful for parents to see their children struggle. If children never do anything difficult, however, they never learn that they can successfully meet a challenge.
Here are some things parents can do to promote their children's success in school:
? Make school attendance a family priority. Try to schedule doctors' appointments and family vacations when school is not in session. Have your child arrive at school in time to organize for the day.
? Show your child that you consider school to be important. Attend parent meetings and conferences. Talk with your child about school. Don't overemphasize grades.
? Read to and with your child. Let your child also see you reading alone.
? Either rule out or treat physical difficulties, such as vision problems, hearing problems, or attention deficit, that may impede learning.
? Don't overschedule your child. Be sure at least three hours between school and bedtime are free of extracurricular activities.
? Encourage healthy sleep patterns. Because of the changes their bodies are undergoing, adolescents actually require more sleep than younger children, perhaps nine hours per night.
? Provide your child with nutritious foods (limited in sugar, fats, caffeine, and additives). Be sure your child starts the day with breakfast.
? Make dinner a family activity, complete with conversation on a wide range of topics.
? Provide a place, with minimal distractions, for your child to study. Be sure the study area is well lit, well ventilated, and equipped with all the supplies your child is likely to need: pencils and pens, dictionary, ruler, stapler, etc.
? Establish a definite time each day for homework, reading, or other academic activities.
? Don't allow TV or video games in the morning before school. Limit total time for these activities to 10 hours per week.
? Don't give your child everything he or she wants. Doing so will teach the child that desires can be satisfied without work.
? Be sure your child has household chores to complete without reminders.
? Help your child develop the habit of writing all assignments in an assignment notebook. It works best if assignments are written on the date they are due.
? Help your child learn to organize time and materials. Begin to wean your child from this help as soon as he or she is able to assume partial responsibility.
? On nights before a test, have your child review material just before bedtime and then go to sleep without reading or listening to music. This will aid retention of material studied.
? Make homework your child's responsibility. This lets your child know that you recognize him or her as a capable person.
? Be sure your child gathers together each evening all the materials that he or she will take to school the next morning.
? Allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his or her actions. For example, don't retrieve things the child forgot.
? Have realistic expectations for your child. If his or her abilities are slightly above average, do not expect the child to be at the top of the class.
? Recognize that your child's teachers are striving for the academic, social, and emotional development of many children besides yours. Seating your child next to a best friend, for example, may not be in the best interest of the class -- or even of your own child.
? Recognize that there will be times when your child will be frustrated by a difficult task. Resist the temptation to solve the problem yourself. Your child will learn and grow from this experience and will emerge with confidence to face the next challenge.
A successful school year depends on the cooperative efforts of parents and teachers -- and, of course, on the students themselves. Each member of the team must fulfill his or her own responsibilities -- and allow the other members to fulfill theirs.
A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. Both are available at http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.
One of parents' most common mistakes is to want to make everything easy for their children. It's painful for parents to see their children struggle. If children never do anything difficult, however, they never learn that they can successfully meet a challenge.
Here are some things parents can do to promote their children's success in school:
? Make school attendance a family priority. Try to schedule doctors' appointments and family vacations when school is not in session. Have your child arrive at school in time to organize for the day.
? Show your child that you consider school to be important. Attend parent meetings and conferences. Talk with your child about school. Don't overemphasize grades.
? Read to and with your child. Let your child also see you reading alone.
? Either rule out or treat physical difficulties, such as vision problems, hearing problems, or attention deficit, that may impede learning.
? Don't overschedule your child. Be sure at least three hours between school and bedtime are free of extracurricular activities.
? Encourage healthy sleep patterns. Because of the changes their bodies are undergoing, adolescents actually require more sleep than younger children, perhaps nine hours per night.
? Provide your child with nutritious foods (limited in sugar, fats, caffeine, and additives). Be sure your child starts the day with breakfast.
? Make dinner a family activity, complete with conversation on a wide range of topics.
? Provide a place, with minimal distractions, for your child to study. Be sure the study area is well lit, well ventilated, and equipped with all the supplies your child is likely to need: pencils and pens, dictionary, ruler, stapler, etc.
? Establish a definite time each day for homework, reading, or other academic activities.
? Don't allow TV or video games in the morning before school. Limit total time for these activities to 10 hours per week.
? Don't give your child everything he or she wants. Doing so will teach the child that desires can be satisfied without work.
? Be sure your child has household chores to complete without reminders.
? Help your child develop the habit of writing all assignments in an assignment notebook. It works best if assignments are written on the date they are due.
? Help your child learn to organize time and materials. Begin to wean your child from this help as soon as he or she is able to assume partial responsibility.
? On nights before a test, have your child review material just before bedtime and then go to sleep without reading or listening to music. This will aid retention of material studied.
? Make homework your child's responsibility. This lets your child know that you recognize him or her as a capable person.
? Be sure your child gathers together each evening all the materials that he or she will take to school the next morning.
? Allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his or her actions. For example, don't retrieve things the child forgot.
? Have realistic expectations for your child. If his or her abilities are slightly above average, do not expect the child to be at the top of the class.
? Recognize that your child's teachers are striving for the academic, social, and emotional development of many children besides yours. Seating your child next to a best friend, for example, may not be in the best interest of the class -- or even of your own child.
? Recognize that there will be times when your child will be frustrated by a difficult task. Resist the temptation to solve the problem yourself. Your child will learn and grow from this experience and will emerge with confidence to face the next challenge.
A successful school year depends on the cooperative efforts of parents and teachers -- and, of course, on the students themselves. Each member of the team must fulfill his or her own responsibilities -- and allow the other members to fulfill theirs.
A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. Both are available at http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Nail Biting Basics
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.
Nail biting typically begins between the ages of five and 10 and is common among children as well as adults. As many as one in three Americans bite their nails.
One of the more noteworthy and generally surprising things about nail biting is its high instance. It crosses every social and economic barrier. Prevalence figures for children are much higher than for adults.
Results of nail biting can result in short, ragged nails. It may also lead to damaged cuticles as well as bleeding around the edges of the nails. Infections can also develop if nails are not properly attended to.
Most relevant studies have found that nail biting tends to peak out around puberty.
A study by Malon and Massmer studied the behavior in the Chicago school systems and reported that nail biting is prevalent in about 60 percent of children age eight to eleven.
Most people agree it is a learned habit, perhaps picked up by watching a parent or someone else biting their nails.
Nail biting is an extremely tough habit to break and treatment for it varies.
One possible solution is identifying the reason for nail biting. Avoidance or modification of these situations can be beneficial to the eventual elimination of the habit.
Improving self-esteem is also helpful when attempting to break the habit.
Products such as CONTROL-IT are available on the market and are designed to aid nail biters in breaking their habit. According to www.stopbitingnails.com , CONTROL-IT is a gentle and natural alternative to help prevent biting. A mild unpleasant taste helps to remind users to stop biting their nails.
A host of research efforts both in America and Europe sought to ascertain if in fact nail biting was linked to mental illness in one form or another. Most people would have anticipated they found a high prevalence of nail biting among the mentally disordered; however, they found that nail biting, in and of itself, is not systematic of any form of mental disorder or maladjustment.
Nail biting crosses all national borders, genders, and both social and economic lines and may also originate from a primal need for self-grooming. It affects both the nails and the cuticles; with greater potential harm caused via infection to the cuticle and nail biting tends to be a private affair, and is a relatively isolated form of self-indulgence.
Nail biting may be treated addressing symptom rather than cause; it is a habit, not a disease.
Owner: Christopher Joel Henry; born: December 18, 1958; birthplace: California
Married: Mrs. Trudy Henry
Mr. Henry has been an entrepreneur the majority of his adult life, generally in engineering pursuits. Most recently he has been a business applications software consultant to Fortune 500 companies, in the greater Boston area.
He is an honored member of the International Who's Who of Science and Engineering, as well as a member of the New England Systems Group.
Nail biting typically begins between the ages of five and 10 and is common among children as well as adults. As many as one in three Americans bite their nails.
One of the more noteworthy and generally surprising things about nail biting is its high instance. It crosses every social and economic barrier. Prevalence figures for children are much higher than for adults.
Results of nail biting can result in short, ragged nails. It may also lead to damaged cuticles as well as bleeding around the edges of the nails. Infections can also develop if nails are not properly attended to.
Most relevant studies have found that nail biting tends to peak out around puberty.
A study by Malon and Massmer studied the behavior in the Chicago school systems and reported that nail biting is prevalent in about 60 percent of children age eight to eleven.
Most people agree it is a learned habit, perhaps picked up by watching a parent or someone else biting their nails.
Nail biting is an extremely tough habit to break and treatment for it varies.
One possible solution is identifying the reason for nail biting. Avoidance or modification of these situations can be beneficial to the eventual elimination of the habit.
Improving self-esteem is also helpful when attempting to break the habit.
Products such as CONTROL-IT are available on the market and are designed to aid nail biters in breaking their habit. According to www.stopbitingnails.com , CONTROL-IT is a gentle and natural alternative to help prevent biting. A mild unpleasant taste helps to remind users to stop biting their nails.
A host of research efforts both in America and Europe sought to ascertain if in fact nail biting was linked to mental illness in one form or another. Most people would have anticipated they found a high prevalence of nail biting among the mentally disordered; however, they found that nail biting, in and of itself, is not systematic of any form of mental disorder or maladjustment.
Nail biting crosses all national borders, genders, and both social and economic lines and may also originate from a primal need for self-grooming. It affects both the nails and the cuticles; with greater potential harm caused via infection to the cuticle and nail biting tends to be a private affair, and is a relatively isolated form of self-indulgence.
Nail biting may be treated addressing symptom rather than cause; it is a habit, not a disease.
Owner: Christopher Joel Henry; born: December 18, 1958; birthplace: California
Married: Mrs. Trudy Henry
Mr. Henry has been an entrepreneur the majority of his adult life, generally in engineering pursuits. Most recently he has been a business applications software consultant to Fortune 500 companies, in the greater Boston area.
He is an honored member of the International Who's Who of Science and Engineering, as well as a member of the New England Systems Group.
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